I love the rain. I am not actually sure why, because most people claim that the rain is depressing and makes good days go bad. I mean after all, hair goes flat due to the humidity or dampness, it makes clothes wet and gross. And believe me there is nothing that I hate more, then when the bottoms of your pants are wet and you step on them with clean socks. Then your socks become wet and your day just sinks and you just have a giant mess. But all wet-socks aside, there is something truly beautiful about the rain. About what the rain represents to me, and what it makes me feel.
For one thing, if I have had a really crumby day and it rains, it makes me feel calm. Like even though this world seems to have been against me on this particular day, mother nature feels my pain. She sympathizes with me, even though it could be the silliest thing to be upset about.
I love the rain because it makes the city so beautiful, especially at night. Everything becomes almost clean again. Most cars have a clean and suave look about them, the dirt of the city streets almost looks like they have been washed away, and all of the buildings look illuminated with the glow of the rain and fog. It is, without a doubt, breathtaking.
Another reason is because it is so mysterious. Some of the greatest movies have great rainy scenes and moments, whether it is the ultimate kiss, or the fight scene. It seems to have something about it that makes it so passionate, so dark, so romantic. I can't explain it really, but I bet you know exactly what I mean.
This world can get to frustrating sometimes. Sometimes it feels like the stress of ten thousand people are on your shoulders. It feels like you can't breathe, you can't move. Even if you could move you wouldn't want to, only in the fear of that you might have something else thrown on your shoulders. Especially in today's glamorous world, because of the recession and the ever so demanding society of ours wanting to be ten pounds and no more, even the worlds future lay in our hands due to pollution and the world turning into a fire box. And even though there are ten million problems going on in the world at once, your problems always seem so much larger then other peoples. Even when they are not. It is funny because I don't even know why.
I have no idea what I want out of this life. I have no clue who I want to be, what I want to do. I know who I am, but I am not sure if I want to be this way in ten years. I don't even know if I am happy being who I am right now. All I know is that I have all of these dreams, and no clue which one to act on first. I want to write, but I don't know if I am good enough. I want to be a photographer, but how do you make money off of that? (besides stooping down to the 'working in wal-mart' photographer, which isn't bad, not by any means. Just not for me.) Then what it all comes down to is how badly I want to save the earth from destruction. From lost manners and over-eating habits. From wars and from hunger. But I feel so small, especially in a world that takes pride in the fact that it de-equalizes everybody and puts them into classes by one simple way, whoever has the most money can have the ball. Its funny how that works, isn't it?
Whatever this world holds for me, I guess I will just have to stick it out and wait for it to happen. In the mean time, I will keep trying to save the world, one Tim Horton's cup at a time.
Either way, there are so many bigger things in this universe. So many more stars, so many more galaxies and so many more other possibilities. So why do we let little things bother us? Maybe it is because we have nothing better to do then to feel sorry for ourselves. Or maybe it is something even bigger then that. Maybe, everyone feels just as lonely and out there as I do. Just maybe someone else loves the rain just as much as I do. Maybe there is more to life then just the rain on the sidewalk. But how can we be in control of them? How can we save all those children in poverty stricken countries, when some of them refuse to leave? How can we send all of the money that we do across the world to help out all of those poverty-stricken countries, and still get asked for more? I volunteer, I donate, I do everything I can in my budget to help out those who need it more then me. But I sometimes don't feel like I am helping much at all. And then I question my role in the universe, and then I am back to square one. Ranting and rambling on about how all over the place I am and how confused I am with life.
There is one thing I know though. That I love the rain. It makes me think. It makes me realize that there is so much more to this world then we lead on. Yet no one takes the time to sit and look out the window. No one cares enough to help out anyone anymore because we are all out for ourselves...and then we blame everyone else for being so inconsiderate. Wow. We are great aren't we?
I guess there will always be things we don’t understand, you just have to do your best to understand them, even when things don’t go your way. Even when you try so hard to get the bigger picture, some of us will never get it. And there is nothing wrong with that, it is just unfair sometimes.
I love the rain. It makes you think really hard about life. And all of its many inquiries. All of its many questions.
