For one thing, I don't understand why it is so hard for people to use their turning signals properly while driving on the road. And I cannot understand why some people hide who they truly are, in fears of being made fun of. I cannot understand how we let ourselves get into this "Global Warming" situation and I don't know if I will ever understand religion....
But the one problematic issue that seems to be on my mind and will not go away, deals with the one and only topic: Love.
I don't understand why I love the way I do. Because I can be so confusing and it will blow your mind at how indecisive I can be. But there is something that pulls me in when it comes to love. I seem to love with my whole heart.
Which can either throw people off, or make them love me more. I guess it is up to the person.
I don't understand how I can care for someone so much. How I can put everything in their hands and I can trust them with everything inside of me. I don't know why I always tend to do that, as it always ends in heart ache, but I do. And I always seem to have it end the same way.
I am not sure what is wrong with me, but it seems to happen a lot.
I don't understand how I can look at him and him not notice me. I don't get how he can be so oblivious to my feelings for him. Doesn't he see it written all over my face? Or am I merely a figment of his "only-want-you-because-you're-there" imagination?
If I fell at your feet, and presented myself, would you find me completely insane? Would you find me irritating and foolish. Probably. It always seems that those who care the most are depicted as the most idiotic. After all, Most men only love women when they are unavailable.
Still I wish that you could see how you make me feel. I wish that I could spell it out for you in words so descriptive that you would see. But I can't. And even if I did, you most likely would not care. I would just be an afterthought. Or the butt of a joke that only those around you find funny. That happens to me a lot too.
How come I always open myself up to everyone, and I don't ever seem to care what people think, until that person means something to me. Then I have to know what he thinks. I have to know that he is there for me. That he notices me. Because lets face it, I am not the prettiest lady in the world. I don't even think I am attractive to most men. But oh how I wish I was worth a "double-take".
I hate how all I can think about is you. And how this alleged "love" Is forbidden. I cannot act on my feelings because they are inappropriate, but I really cannot seem to help myself.
Maybe I can see why most men I tend to fall "in love" with shy away from me. Listen to me! I sound psychotic, rambling on about how much I loose myself in them. Still I wish you could see how much my day lights up when you say hi to me.
Maybe one day you might like me. Or maybe we were only meant to be friends. Maybe I am meant to be alone. Maybe you do think of me like I think of you.
I can't tell, because when I think someone likes me, I cannot see it, so I flirt harder, which is when most men say adios. Because lets face it, most fairy tales don't deal with mixed readings and facebook messages.
Should I step into the unknown darkness? What should happen if I were to fall? Would he still find me attractive if he found out how insane I am? How my mind is a random blur? Or would he find my intelligence to be a virtue. Would he fall in love with my all-over-the-place lifestyle. Would he find my forgetfulness cute.
Would he love to fall asleep with me, while I lay beside him. Would he find me attractive, even though I don't wear most name-brand clothing? Would he find my obsessiveness with neatness adorable? Or annoying.
Probably annoying. Even I am annoyed with it.
Fuck me. This sucks.
Feelings are a lot harder then they look.
Relationships are much more confusing then they lead on to be.
I wish I could go back to high school love.
Being a kid was much easier.
