I just don't.

Sometimes I really don't know what to think about anything. It almost feels like I am completely alone in this world, even though I have friends and family who love me. I feel as though they are travelling one way, and I am going the other.

It gets very discouraging when you try so hard to recycle and pick up after yourself and try in every possible way that you can to be 'green', when you turn around only to see almost every other person dumping their garbage in places that it really should not be put. And even though it upsets me a great deal, I suddenly get this feeling of 'nobody cares about this but me...'. I really honestly feel like I am the only one who gives a damn anymore. Even though I know that this is not true, because I know that there are many people out there doing more then I ever could. But the feeling sits there. And it plays with my head. It discourages me and gives me no hope for our future. Why should anyone care? As long as we cut down all the rain-forest's at least we (As humans) are better off...right? I really don't think so.

I hate how selfish we all are. And no matter how much you tell yourself that you are not selfish, you know you are. I know that I have been very selfish at many points of my life. But it still does not prove that we are all bad. I know that there are great qualities in every person, but sometimes it really doesn't seem that way.

You turn on the television and you see blood and hate and kidnapping and violence and just terrible terrible things, yet there is always that lighter side of the news that makes you feel so great about yourself. Yet you never hear much of it anymore.

Last week-end I went to Race track with friends to go see the grand prix of our town. And I had a blast, I truly did, besides the fact of all the rubber used for the tires and oil from the exhaust, it was a lot of fun camping and being with friends. 

With that said however, at one point we were walking around the different parts of the track to get better views, and the paths for walking are not wide enough to fit four people, so if you can imagine, there was a lot of passing and stopping for other people. That was when it hit me:

Most of these people passing us were men, older, younger...men. And instead of letting me (being a lady) go by first so that I would not have to stand in the mud (It was raining)...they just breezed by and did not give a shit.

Wow. Call me crazy and old fashioned but 50 years ago, those men would have stopped for me so that I would not get dirty. I know that times have changed but jeez...Manors are still important. I give up my seat on bus' every day so that the elderly or younger kids can sit while I stand. I open doors for people with full hands and I definately let people go ahead of me inline if I have more then them. 

Has this world gone mental? Have we all lost our faith and hope in everything? We have all become selfish and assholes. Most of us anyways.

I just don't get this world sometimes. I just don't get the people in inhabit it. 

I  j u s t  d o n t.

I can feel it;

Something is in the air tonight...

I can feel it in my heart. In my throat as I choke on the air I breathe. I can feel it in my stomach. It wont stop turning. I know that it is about to happen. I can see it in the changes of the weather. I don't know how else to explain it. I just know.

Whether it will happen with a god or creature returning to earth or with a turning and shifting of the axis, our world is about to undergo some sort of cosmic change.

Call me crazy, I don't mind. Call me insane, you wouldn't be the first. But to understand my point of view, you have to understand why I feel this way. 

Books, readings, everything can tell you millions of things, but nothing is for certain. You can be turned into the biggest believer of all your friends but it wont mean anything. It wont. The truth itself will not be shown. It refuses to show itself therefore we must try with all of our might to shed light on it.

What if in the end of the world, there is no god?

What if in the end of the world, there is more then one?

What if there is nothing but blackness?

Or aliens?

Will I be alive to witness it? Or will I have died before knowing?

There are a lot of things, you see. But many people drive themselves mad just trying to think of them all. How can you deal with all of the voices in your head telling you that things link when you cannot seem to find the truths behind the lies.

It is a very hard thing to find. But you will find it eventually, you just need to find it. 

Still...I dont know what to believe. I really don't.

I just know that something big is going to happen.

And it will wipe us all clean, no electricity, no running water. We may survive yes, 

But our world is going to undergo some changes. I can feel it.